Creating a Safe Haven Marriage

24970-ThinkstockPhotos-482229547_1200w_tnThe uniqueness of each individual in a marital union makes it imperative that a 100% commitment is needed in order to sustain the relationship. Although teaching couples to build a foundation of trust and safety in their marriage is essential, it is the responsibility of couples to continuously invest in creating trust which ultimately leads to emotional safety. When couples relate to one another in a trusting, emotionally available, and responsive manner their union becomes a safe haven. Their relationship becomes a secure base from where they venture out into the world (May, 2015). Creating a safe haven marriage is one of the strategies for strengthening marriages. This strategy is very meaningful because when a marriage is a safe haven, other difficulties faced in time will become more manageable (May, 2015). Creating a safe haven for each other in a marriage can enable couples weather any storm. However, the question becomes, can couples trust each other to be available when they reach out for one another? Will couples be emotionally available to and for one another? Will couples respond in a loving and attentive manner that is in the best interest of the union? The qualities of a safe haven are more about ways of being emotionally and physically available for your spouse. These qualities mean you are someone with whom your spouse can feel safe, loved, accepted, and understood. Marriage was meant to be an intimate relationship, thus a union open to vulnerability. How we respond to each other’s failings, short-comings, and self-doubts can build or destroy the trust that is essential to the intimacy of marriage. Acting with empathy and understanding creates an atmosphere of comfort, safety and trust. Creating a safe haven marriage leads to happy marriages which ultimately affects a person’s overall wellbeing. It has the capability to prolong life. It is ideal for couples to strive to nurture their friendships and relationships towards growth every passing moment. Couples should work on ensuring that their gaze is fixated in a forward mode, looking straight ahead as a union. They should ensure that time is allocated to talking to each other and enhancing their love maps. Couples should ensure that they move from selfishness to service, embrace laughter and humor, and parent with pleasure. According to Parrott and Parrott (2005) the most important thing a couple may ever do for their children is to work on their marriage, thus “nothing provides more security and peace in a child’s life than knowing that mom and dad are deeply in love” (p.80). Your marriage will be stronger, because as a spouse, you play a high-ranking role that is inimitable; therefore, it is important to learn how to be our spouse’s safe haven.


May, S. M. (2015). Coaching couples in safe haven marriages.

Parrott, L., & Parrott, L. L. (2005). The complete guide to marriage mentoring: Connecting couples to build better marriages.

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